Defrosting a frozen turkey in the refrigerator takes about 24 hours for every 5 pounds. If you wake up Thanksgiving Day and it's still rock-solid, take it out immediately, plunge it in a pot or clean bucket large enough to hold it and cover it with cold water; keep the water cold by changing it frequently. It should take 30 minutes per pound to defrost this way.
Alternatively, if the turkey is small and your microwave large, try hitting the defrost button. Whatever you do, don't start roasting it in the oven if it's still frozen. It will cook unevenly and turn into a big dry mess. If all else fails, light some more candles, eat at midnight and tell your guests you're starting a new dining tradition.
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